Hello friends and family!
I'm writing this to address some things that have happened in the last two months (sorry if it's long). First of all, I'm so sorry I haven't written an email in a LOOONNNGGG time! It's been a crazy rollercoaster. Second of all, I have been home from my mission for about two months (many of you already know this). I was honestly not expecting to be home this long since I'm planning to go back and finish my mission. I didn't want to make it a big deal so I'm sorry if you didn't know.
I want to share my story in hopes of bringing some enlightenment to this whole situation. It began in December of last year when our area presidency presented a new plan. It involved getting rid of dinners with members and knocking doors for two hours five days a week. We also had a harsh winter this year...one of the worst Washington has ever seen. I remember how I dreaded going out in the cold each day. It didn't matter how many layers I piled on....the cold wet air went straight to my bones. I was losing feeling in my fingers and toes. It was a stressful time in the mission, but I managed to make it through. When the weather finally cleared up in March, I was excited to wear my summer clothes again. However, I noticed some of the clothes I had come out with were baggy on me. I realized I had unintentionally lost quite a bit of weight during those winter months. I was also experiencing some other symptoms on top of the weight loss that concerned me and my mission president. I went to our mission doctor and he conducted several tests, but couldn't find anything wrong. I was eventually diagnosed with anxiety and put on medication. I was feeling better and on my way to a healthy weight again.
Unfortunately, a nurse at the missionary medical department was convinced my symptoms were caused by a completely different issue. She made some accusations and felt I was risking my life if I stayed in the field any longer. Despite what my in-field doctor, companions, mission president, and stake president said, this nurse wouldn't listen. She couldn't see I was already improving and she refused to council with the people closest to me. Before I knew it, I received a call late one night saying I had a plane ticket for the next day. I was going home. We were all in shock and no one understood why this was happening. The missionary medical department had promised my parents, stake president, and mission president a conference call before any big decisions were made. The conference call never happened. My mission president said it was out of his hands, but promised me if I got cleared, I could come back within a couple of weeks. Little did he know how long this would all take....
So now I've been home for a little under two months and my family is doing everything they can to help me go back. It has NOT been easy and this trial has required much patience. With the multiple hoops we've had to jump through, I've had thoughts of "is it even worth it?" But I always remember a special experience I had in the temple a couple days after I came home. I went with my parents and I had a burning question for Heavenly Father: "should I stay home and move on with my life or should I fight to go back to my mission?" It was such a clear answer, I could've sworn someone said it aloud. I was told I wasn't needed here yet and I needed to be in Washington still. I shared my answer with my parents and with tears in their eyes, they told me they felt the same. So, despite how easy it would be to throw in the towel, I will do everything I can to go back because that's where God needs me to be. This has been one of the hardest trials I've ever faced and I often wonder why God would allow this to happen.
"Nevertheless the Lord seeth fit to chasten his people; yea, he trieth their patience and their faith. Nevertheless-whosoever putteth his trust in him the same shall be lifted up at the last day. Yea, and thus it was with this people." (Mosiah 23: 21-22)
Trials don't always rely on our own mistakes; many of the times they come when we are living righteously. Only Heavenly Father knows our true potential and will see how far we are willing to stretch. It's uncomfortable and it hurts, but we thank Him in the end because we are far better than we were before. My patience has been tested and I'm happy to say I've come out on top. I am not bitter towards those who have caused me sorrow. I know God is aware of our circumstances and all will be made right in the end.
So, now you know it all. :) I don't normally ask this kind of thing, but if you could keep me in your prayers, that would be awesome. I know the power prayer can bring and I need it more than ever right now. I'm so close to returning and I know God is a god of miracles.
With love,
Jess (sister smith)
No comments:
Post a Comment